Man coincidentally befriends most attractive woman in office

A MAN has become good friends with a female colleague who also happens to be very attractive.

Tom Logan says he simply ‘gets on’ with beautiful co-worker Francesca Johnson, despite this never happening with any of the less attractive women in his office.

Administrator Logan said: “We just do normal workmate things like me constantly hovering around her desk trying to make her laugh or listening intently to her personal problems.

“I’ve never really noticed her perfectly proportioned face, slender figure or delightful little pout when she’s concentrating on something.

“We’re just into a lot of the same stuff, like Stranger Things and other hugely popular television programmes.

“I always ask if she wants to go for lunch, she’s usually busy but it’s a good way of keeping her informed about important office issues like the photocopier being serviced.

“I’m planning on inviting her to stay over on Friday night for a DVD marathon-cum-slumber party. I expect most people who work together do that.”

Logan’s friendship with Johnson has since been dramatically scaled back after she met a ‘really nice guy’ who works in the City.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

GCSE students 'rewarded' with tragic mum and dad meal

THOUSANDS of hard-working GCSE students will tonight be forced to endure a lame meal with their parents, it has emerged.

While cool kids who failed their exams attend debauched parties, for diligent students the reward for two years of hard work on their GCSEs will be a crap carvery meal and a long talk from dad about how much harder A Levels are.

Teenager Nathan Muir said: “I thought I’d be going to a results party where I get pissed on room temperature cider and have my first sexual experience, but actually I’m going to the Horseshoe Inn with my parents for a gammon platter.

“It would be nice if this milestone in my life was a bit more exciting, but as my mum has pointed out, the prices are very reasonable and the toilets are always clean.

“Now I can’t go to the party at Iain Kelly’s house, which would definitely be more fun than dad letting me have a bitter shandy ‘if I drink it slowly’.

“Still, I’m sure Aunt Susan will text my mum to congratulate me. That will definitely make up for not getting to finger Gemma Stanley in a cupboard.”