Man constantly barked at by dogs wonders if he is evil

A MAN who has been barked at by terrified dogs every time they see him for 15 years is wondering if he is actually the Antichrist. 

24-year-old Tom Booker has been provoking fight-or-flight reactions in every canine he gets within sniffing distance of since he was a child, and is starting to take it personally.

He said: “You can only laugh it off for so long before it starts getting to you.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s the neighbours’ shi-tzu or a stranger’s Great Dane, the moment they catch sight of me they bark frantically like Lassie trying to warn the world of a terrible menace until I’m gone.

“I’m not someone who goes in for auras or energy fields or all that shit, but I think they might be reacting to something deeply malevolent and broken inside of me. I’m afraid to set foot in a church.”

Booker, who also makes babies cry and children hide, is spending more and more time raking over his past misdeeds including lying on his CV, once parking in a disabled space and having inappropriate feelings about his cousin on a family holiday when he was 13.

Border collie Colin said: “He smells weird. Like really weird. Ideally we’d get a few of us together and tear him apart.”