Man having enormous ego trip by working on train

A MAN has convinced himself he is a high-powered business leader by doing some work on a train.

Sales executive Tom Logan has successfully given himself delusions of grandeur by using a cheap Dell laptop and making unnecessary phone calls on a train near Rugby.

Logan said: “The very fact that I can work on a train using my state-of-the-art Windows Vista portable computer means that what I am doing must be highly significant.

“The project, which is sending an email to a hotel that may wish to use the services of the unreliable carpet cleaning firm I work for, requires me to make numerous phone calls to my office in the style of a Wall Street trader.

“I can tell other people on the train are impressed, because a woman just looked up from her iPhone game.”

Some fellow train passengers believed Logan was important in the business world but did not care, while most concluded that he was yet another sales bullshitter.

Company director Donna Sheridan said: “I tend to do important business deals in the office and not shout ‘Get in!’ when I sign a contract.

“However we all have to start somewhere, and I wish Tom all the best in his application to The Apprentice.”

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Joubert looking forward to walking holiday in Scotland

RUGBY referee Craig Joubert is keen to get started on a hiking break around Scotland.

The South African rugby official has planned a route around remote parts of Scotland where there is no phone reception even in an emergency.

Craig Joubert said: “After the World Cup I’ll be pretty worn out so it’ll be lovely to have a proper holiday. My plan is to travel all over Scotland, enjoying the famous warm hospitality of its proud but warm-hearted natives.

“I’m looking forward to chatting to fellow rugby lovers in pubs, as well as getting out into the Highlands where the locals live largely without laws.

“I thought there might be some sour grapes about the World Cup thing but several Scottish people have already been in touch with suggested routes.

“A group of them has offered to me meet in an isolated bothy up a mountain, it’ll be a real privilege to see it as apparently nobody ever goes there.”

However the foreign office travel advice for Scotland has been changed today to an orange alert with the warning ‘safe for everyone except Craig Joubert’.

Scot Tom Logan said: “We Scots are a famously forgiving nation and everyone makes mistakes. That said, if I see Joubert I will kill and eat him.”