Man in new relationship can’t wait to see how he f***s it up

A MAN who has been seeing a woman long enough to start calling her his girlfriend is eager to see how he will totally balls it up.

Nathan Muir, 29, has been advised by friends to take things slowly, but is finding himself unable to resist looking to the future and imagining all the things he could to do wrong.

Muir said: “The beginning of a relationship is a time of exciting anticipation. There’s so much opportunity to be a complete bellend and so little way of knowing how I’ll eventually ruin everything.

“We’re currently in that honeymoon period where she’s overlooking all the things about me that are clearly weird, and I’m just about keeping a lid on all the possible scenarios that will make her dump me.

“Will I say my ex’s name during sex? Will I become unattractively needy and clingy? Will I get pissed at a family barbecue and call her mum a massive cowbag? I probably won’t challenge her dad to a bare knuckle fight, because that’s ended badly for me before.”

Muir’s girlfriend Joanna Kramer said: “He might as well stop speculating because I’ve already shagged his best mate.”