Sunday, 9th May 2021

Man permanently angry about things that haven’t happened

A SUBURBAN man spends a large amount of time fuming about things he does not agree with which have not actually happened.

Norman Steele is furious about issues ranging from free tampons to a ban on alcohol and meat products, none of which have happened or are likely to.

Steele said: “It’s only a matter of time before women force us taxpayers to pay for their periods. Then it’ll be free make-up, vibrators and petrol for their cars next.

“I’m disgusted by Britain in 2020. All it takes is some moaning do-gooder and suddenly you’re not allowed to buy your granddaughter an ice cream because dentists can’t be bothered to do their job properly.

“If they decide to make the national anthem multicultural, you won’t find me singing the reggae version in a Jamaican accent. I’d rather go to prison.”

In the last hour alone, Steele has been venting angrily about vegetarian sausages becoming compulsory, primary school children being allowed to vote, and couples wanting to have sex being forced to apply for a permit first.