Man plays it cool by launching Facebook search for girl he met briefly at festival

A MAN who met an attractive girl at Bestival has taken the casual approach by launching a massive online search for her details.

Julian Cook spoke to the girl for around five minutes before taking a selfie of them together which he posted online with emoticons and the message ‘GOT 2 FIND U’.

He said: “It’s no big deal. If she’s got a boyfriend that’s fine.

“But if she is single, then maybe we could go out for dinner or maybe go away for the weekend, perhaps to Paris or a tropical country to stay in a beach hut on stilts.

“I’ve got a car to so I could drive to wherever it is she lives, even if it’s the other end of the country or Ireland. Then we could maybe grab a quick pint, nothing heavy.

“Her name was Emma. Or maybe it’s Gemma. But I think it was Emma.

“If anyone, anywhere knows her I’d really like to continue our chat about how good raving is.

“And if no one can help, I guess I’ll just have to trust the universe and hope that she’s there next year. 

“I don’t mind waiting. I’m a very laid-back guy.”

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Fresher dabbling in patois

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A MIDDLE-CLASS fresher has admitted experimenting with a version of West Indian patois in an attempt to look cool.

University of Bristol undergraduate Stephen Malley has been using the phrase ‘wha’ gwarn’ when answering his phone in the Student Union bar.

Malley said: “I’m from Kent and that’s just how people speak in Kent.  It’s certainly how my sister addresses her pony Captain Stubbs, as in ‘wha’ gwarn my pony’.”

Malley also addresses his housemates as his ‘bredrin’ and called their neighbour Norman Steele a ‘bludclot’ after he complained about the noise from Malley making dubstep tracks with the expensive studio equipment his mum bought him.

Norman Steele said: “That little shit said I was going to get ‘bad man beatdowns’, but when I grabbed him by the collar and told him to turn that fucking racket down he began to visibly shake and offered me money to leave him alone.

“It was the single most pathetic thing I have ever seen.”

However Malley said: “I don’t recall that, probably I was feeling too irie from smoking that sweet sensi weed.”

Malley’s housemate Mary Fisher said: “He does the patois thing all the time unless there is a black person in the room in which case he goes weirdly super-polite and almost shy.

“The street slang term I’d use to describe Stephen Malley is ‘bellend’.”