A MAN doesn’t give a shit about his friend’s sponsored swim but just wants everyone to know he’s got loads of cash, he has confirmed.
Corporate lawyer Nathan Muir put a donation of £2,000 on the page old school pal Tom Logan had set up to raise money for charity just so all of their mutual friends and acquaintances would realise he’s absolutely rolling in it.
Muir said: “Tom sent me a link to this charity thing he was doing in memory of his dog or whatever. It’s the kind of sentimental nonsense I’d usually ignore, but then I saw that loads of dickheads I used to know had been making donations.
“Honestly, they were lame. A tenner here, a fiver there. One of the poor sods even managed to stretch to fifty quid, which prompted a massive outpouring of appreciation from Tom about their ‘immense generosity’.
“So I just cracked two grand on there and sat back and waited for everyone to realise what an immense success I had become, whilst they were all pissing their lives up the wall maintaining lasting friendships and support networks.
“Then I went home and cried.”