Saturday, 11th July 2020

Man reports neighbours to police for having much better sex than him

A MAN reported his neighbours to the police  after it emerged they were having much better sex than he has ever had.

Tom Logan, from Peterborough, became furious at the incredible intercourse next door, insisting it is against the law to remind him how bad he is in bed.

He said: "I think the man even gave her an orgasm. What happened to basic, common decency?

"Feel free to have sex behind my kitchen wall if you need to, but keep it mechanical. The second you enjoy intense erotic pleasure with your gorgeous partner is when you infringe upon my rights."

The couple have sent a hand written note to Logan apologising for enjoying the kind of sex he has never experienced and never will.