Man unable to understand call centre worker's accent is the worst racist

A MAN unable to interpret what a call centre worker in a different country is saying to him is clearly a thoroughgoing racist, colleagues have agreed. 

Wayne Hayes’s call to his energy supplier to correct his bill, in which he is suffering some comprehension difficulties, proves he is despite all previous impressions basically an EDL footsoldier.

Co-worker Carolyn Ryan said: “I’m not one to judge, but that’s the fourth time in a row he’s asked her to repeat herself. Is he trying to humiliate her?

“He claims he’s a liberal Labour voter with progressive views on immigration, but he’s basically shaming that poor woman, who’ll be on very much less than minimum wage, by asking her if she knows the phonetic alphabet. True colours? Shown.”

Boss Nathan Muir agreed: “There’s no place in my business for a man who shouts ‘Hayes! Hayes! Like the Hayes f**king car manual!’ down the phone to a woman whose first language is not English and is doing her best. Can he speak Urdu? No.

“In this situation, the onus is very much on Wayne to do the work and break this linguistic stalemate. Instead he’s losing his temper much as Hitler or Nigel Farage would. Monster.”

Hayes said: “I accept I’m in the wrong here. And when I get a revised bill for £55,442 for the quarter it will be my own bigoted fault.”

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Why did you hate Suella Braverman last time? A refresher guide

ALLOWED your memories of Tory rule to blissfully fade? Remember you hate new Reform recruit Suella Braverman but not sure why? Refresh your memory: 

Her dream was to fly people to Rwanda

Martin Luther King Jr’s dream was egalitarian and inspiring. Your simpler but innocent dreams are of being naked in public or late for work. Suella’s dream, in contrast, was to fly illegal migrants to a Rwanda, a country not even deemed safe to return migrants to. This is not a dream most would boast about.

She believed living in a tent was a lifestyle choice

Living in a tent is indeed a lifestyle choice when done for a weekend in Cornwall. For those without a home, it’s more desperation and falling through society’s safety nets. To confuse the one for the other is a sign of an extreme lack of empathy or being very, very stupid, so it’s safe to assume Suella is both.

Her whole pro-Palestine/Ireland blunder

A deep cut for the hardcore Braverman haters, but likening pro-Palestine protests in London to sectarian marches in Northern Ireland could only have been more insensitive if delivered in a Belfast accent while burning the respective flags. Which she’s planned as her first act as a Reform MP for this Friday.

She sent a official document from personal email

Ah, the first time she was fired. Remember? Breaking the ministerial code for punting an official Cabinet document out to a backbencher even more right-wing than she is? Being the only minister not good enough for the Truss administration? Quite a distinction.

Being named after Dallas’s Sue-Ellen

It isn’t what makes her so loathsome, but it is a nice cherry on top that a person of significant hatefulness has a comical name. Dallas was all the rage when she was born, and Suella is in fact Sue-Ellen, named after an alcoholic former Miss Texas so drawn to evil she marries JR twice. Some parallels there.

Just her general vibe

Braverman was binned off three years and three home secretaries ago, which means your recollections are hazy. Even if you can’t remember the specific policies which pissed you off, her demeanour of school nerd turned vicious bully remains. You don’t need facts and opinion polls to validate your lingering gut hatred. Trust to your feelings.