Man unveils plan to burn the crap out of a pizza at 3am 

A MAN has announced he will be arriving home drunk around three in the morning and then burning the shit out of a frozen pizza.

Martin Bishop also revealed that the burning pizza will set off the smoke alarm and wake all of his neighbours.

He said: “I just want my neighbours to know now so they don’t make any plans to sleep right through the night or anything.

“They could even set their alarm for maybe 2.55am just so they’re not shocked by the incredibly loud noise.

“I imagine it’s quite loud, but I only ever hear it when I’m drunk so it doesn’t really register with me.”

He added: “I’ll definitely be bleary eyed and apologetic though.

“Standing on the landing with no trousers on with one shoe saying, ‘I’m sorry, I know I keep doing this’.

“Thank you for your attention. Good day. ”