A MAN who claims to love traditional British values cannot explain what they are in any detail.
After a report claimed British values were under threat, sales manager Roy Hobbs affirmed his belief in them but could only give the examples of Christmas and possibly ‘determination’.
Hobbs said: “We’ve got to stand up for British traditions like Christmas, although I tend to focus more on the presents and getting pissed for two weeks than the Jesus stuff.
“I couldn’t give you a full list of British values off the top of my head, but ‘fair play’ and ‘determination’ are probably two of them. Maybe ‘drinking tea’ as well.
“The details aren’t important, we just have to defend British values before political correctness makes us celebrate Islamic Winterval. My family will be having a traditional British Christmas with lots of sherry, new games for the Sony Playstation and a good Pixar movie.”
“Immigration is the biggest threat to our values because of them all coming here with a totally alien culture of differently shaped bread and sausages.
Hobbs later expanded on his definition of British values, adding ‘stiff upper lip’, ‘crisps’ and ‘Shaun the Sheep’.