Man who hates 'fake-looking' women wants girlfriend with natural 36GG breasts

A MAN who hates the ‘plastic surgery look’ is searching for a girlfriend who has extraordinarily large natural breasts.

Account manager Tom Logan finds surgically enhanced breasts “a complete turn-off”, but still feels extremely large mammaries are crucial to any future relationship.

Logan said: “I went on a date last week with a woman who’d clearly had a breast enlargement and I just couldn’t get into them. Basically it’s a form of cheating.

“I’m just looking for a real woman with big pouty lips, a button nose, tiny waist and disproportionately sized breasts like Jessica Rabbit. Is that too much to ask?

“It’s not as if there’s a shortage of women with ginormous boobs. There are whole websites full of them. Apparently.

“Don’t get me wrong, their personality’s important. If they’ve got awesome bazoomas and like talking about cars too that’s a massive bonus.”

Logan is currently having difficulty finding a woman who meets his exacting standards of being completely natural and having huge tits, but says he will keep looking until he finds “the one”.

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What is 'savings'? ask under-30s

YOUNG people have been left confused by an obscure term used by financial experts called ‘savings’.

Even the handful who suspect it may be something to with collecting spare money have no idea how the fuck they are meant to do that.

Office worker Nikki Hollis, 25, said: “I know financial advice is complicated but can’t they just use plain English instead of this impenetrable gobbledegook?

“One of my old uni mates said he thought it was something to do with having a secret stockpile of money you haven’t spent and we all had a good laugh at that. Gavin always did have a wacky sense of humour.”

Paramedic Tom Booker, 27, said: “Maybe it’s a misprint. Maybe they’re talking about ‘shavings’. But how is scraping my facial hair out of the basin and keeping it supposed to get me a pension? That’s mental.

“I think ‘savings’ might be one of those archaic terms like ‘socage’ that have fallen out of use. These financial experts need to come and live in the 21st century.”

Financial advisor Norman Steele, 52, said: “In plain English, ‘savings’ is what you don’t have which means you’ll have to live in a rented flat all your life and eat Whiskas on toast when you are old.”