Man who waves at 'car twins' still at large

A MAN who waves at every car that is the same make and colour as his is still at large, authorities have warned.

The individual has been sighted on several occasions waving enthusiastically at fellow white Nissan Leaf drivers, sometimes with what appear to be young hostages in the car.

Motorist Mary Fisher said: “I was driving to the shop when I noticed a stranger frantically waving at me, beeping and flashing his lights.

“When I got closed he rolled down his window and shouted ‘hello, car twin!’ Is this some kind of sex thing?”

A police spokesman said: “This man is armed with a gormless grin and an irritating zest for life. We urge the public not to approach him under any circumstances.

“The message is clear. They make a lot of each kind of car. Nobody cares. Fuck off.”

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Foreign holiday ruined by forgetting tea bags

A FAMILY who went on holiday to Italy had a dreadful time because they could not have a decent cup of tea, it has emerged.

Martin Bishop, his wife Eleanor and their daughter Kate usually take a catering pack of PG Tips whenever they go abroad because foreign tea tastes like piss.

Bishop said: “Somehow in the stress of our holiday preparation we forgot the tea bags, which were arguably more important than our passports.

“When we unpacked in the hotel I just got this cold feeling all over, like the angel of death had entered the room. Except it wasn’t the angel of death, it was the angel of not having any tea bags.

“We put a brave face on it for each other, but I think deep down we all knew the holiday was fucked.

“We tried every to stave off the misery by stuffing our faces with all the pizza and ice cream that we could get our hands on and yet somehow nothing was as satisfying as a chipped mug of tepid brown liquid could ever be.”

He added: “There’s probably a metaphor for Brexit in that somewhere, isn’t there?”