Man with mortgage and kid unable to throw out rave tapes

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Booker has decided at keep his rave ‘tape packs’ despite being an adult with responsibilities.

Booker discovered the cachet of cheaply-manufactured 90s cassette tapes including ‘Top Buzz at Fantazia’ and ‘Ratty and Pilgrim at Universe ’91’ in a cardboard box while clearing out a spare bedroom.

He said: “There are some classics in here. Great tunes and even the MCs aren’t that annoying.

“However I no longer have a tape deck and am also under pressure from my wife to make space for a nursery.”

Booker deliberated while pulling out more of the outsized plastic boxes containing up to 12 tapes each, with shitty cover graphics of things like a woman’s face floating in the sky.

“I’ve just found ‘Dr S Gachet at Desire ’94’ and I am fucked if that is going to the charity shop.

“My wife may feel differently but Gachet is a badman and that is 45 minutes of atmospheric drum and bass that needs to be preserved for future generations.

“I have been focused on family and career but finding these tapes has made me realise that the important things in life are raving and getting off your head.”

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Cameron being hassled by Thatcher’s ghost

DAVID Cameron has told close friends he is being continually hassled by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

The prime minster has secretly admitted that Thatcher’s ghost keeps ‘popping up’ without warning and telling him what to do.

A source said: “On Sunday he was brushing his teeth, bent over to spit and when he looked back in the mirror she was standing behind him.

“She said ‘good morning David, let’s talk about right-to-buy. That was such a wonderful idea, wasn’t it?’. She always waits until he’s off guard before she materialises.”

The source added: “He’ll be getting something out of the fridge and when he closes the door – boom – there she is.

“Last time she said, ‘I always wanted to reform inheritance tax. If you do it for me I’ll be released from limbo’.

“He’s getting really stressed by it. He says he hasn’t been to the bog on his own for about a month.”

Another source said: “He’ll deny it, but watch out for the signs. He’ll raise his voice or just stop mid-sentence, as if someone is constantly interrupting him.”