Manager has great weekend making idiotic work requests

A MANAGER spent a satisfying weekend contacting staff about ‘important’ work issues, he has revealed.

Roy Hobbs deliberately disrupted his team’s weekends with texts and emails that could have waited until they were back in the office.

Hobbs said: “I had a few concerns about last month’s sales figures so I decided to discuss it via text with our sales manager while she was taking small children to a safari park.

“Then I felt I should get a copy of our marketing strategy from Dan. He was only in the pub with his mates so it was no problem for his wife to drive him to the office so he could forward it to me.

“I also decided to check whether Emma had booked a venue for our Christmas party. Fortunately she had mobile coverage at the remote Scottish cottage she’d rented.”

Co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “I was having a lovely barbecue away from Roy’s crap when he sent me a series of emails marked ‘URGENT!’. They were about changing our liquid soap supplier.

“He only does it as a pathetic ego trip, like that time he made Carly book a train ticket to Leeds for him while she was on honeymoon in Thailand. I hate him.”

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Public marriage proposal wins woman’s heart with intimidation

A COUPLE are getting married after a man placed the woman he loves in an incredibly stressful situation without warning her.

Tom Logan unexpectedly proposed to girlfriend Nikki Hollis during someone else’s wedding, at which all their friends and relatives were present and a light aircraft flew overhead with the banner ‘NIKKI WILL YOU MARRY ME?’.

Electrician Logan said: “Nikki definitely wasn’t expecting it because when I proposed she was so overcome with surprise and joy her jaw completely dropped.

“It was nice that my parents could be there. Luckily I was sure Nikki would say ‘yes’, so there wasn’t any chance of her looking like a cold-hearted bitch for rejecting their beloved son.

“I was worried when she hesitated a bit, but I think the 80 or so people staring at her expectantly reassured her she was making the right decision.

“Right now we’re both overjoyed to be getting married. Nikki says we should have a really long engagement to give us time to plan the perfect wedding.”

Hollis said: “When Tom proposed in front of all those people everything seemed to slow down, like that time I swerved to avoid hitting a fox and ended up in a ditch.

“It was a surprise but then relationships are full of surprises, such as engaged people splitting up before they’ve done something really hard to get out of like buying a flat together.”