THE married friends of a recently divorced man are trying very hard to sound like they feel sorry for him, it has emerged.
Stephen Malley, 36 from Durham, divorced six month ago and now lives alone in a flat in the city centre where friends fear he may not have made the slightest effort to find out how to use the washing machine.
Malley’s friend Roy Hobbs said: “I would go and see if he needs cheering up, but my sister-in-law and her four children are coming for a weekend that will be noisy and tiring, yet ultimately deeply fulfilling.
“When I got back tonight I found one of my kids had diarrhoea and the other was struggling with his maths homework and I had failed to buy milk and bread on the way home despite receiving several text messages on the subject.
“Whereas when Steve got home he ordered a takeaway, watched football and updated his Tinder profile. His is a dangerously empty and meaningless existence.”
Another friend, Mary Fisher said: ‘‘I worry that now Stephen does not have my happy routine of domestic chores and family obligations, he is trapped in a meaningless cycle of casual sex and nightly pub visits.
“Tomorrow I’m going to a children’s soft play centre, then Burger King, then a supermarket. Meanwhile he’ll be lying in bed, probably feeling sad.”