TREADING the line between upper and lower middle class is a delicate act. Here are the things that will place you firmly at the bottom.
You eat meals without the telly on
Your family is interesting and cultured enough to make conversation instead of watching TV. On week nights, at least. A couple, anyway. Unless there’s something really good on. And of course it’s different when you’re having a takeaway.
You’ll get extra sides without looking at the price, if it’s a chain
Forget worrying about the bill, dining out should be a thrilling culinary experience, unconstrained by something as pedestrian as a budget. However, it’s understood that the following caveats are in place: it’s a chain with a deal on, they accept vouchers and no main meal is more than £15. Bon ap’, as you always irritatingly say.
You proclaim how great theatre is, but don’t go
ITV is the codename for trash in your house. Who would demean themselves by watching The Masked Singer when the bold and truly relevant stuff is on the stage? Although you’ve heard this all secondhand, as the last thing you saw live was the Dirty Dancing tour in 2018.
You buy clothes from charity shops, but not because you have to
There’s nothing like the thrill of bagging a hardly worn Monsoon dress for a fraction of its recommended retail price. Not because you’re strapped for cash, you just enjoy bragging about sustainability and slow fashion. You’re picky about which charities you support though: cancer and animals is fine, but you won’t stoop to the local refugee one. They never get the good stuff.
You desperately try to prove to everyone you’re working class
Honestly, you’re not posh. Yes, your parents went to university, but they pulled themselves up by the bootstraps after a hardscrabble upbringing in a suburb of Manchester. That’s in the North, you know, where the working classes live. Anyway, did you realise that Ocado actually works out cheaper?