A MEMBER of London’s fancy, stuck-up liberal elite is unable to afford his rent, it has emerged.
29-year-old Tom Logan, who has a smarty-pants media job selling books and DVDs behind the counter at a shop, is behind with rent on his shared flat in Catford.
Snooty Logan, who believes in gay marriage, salads and watches television on ‘the internet’, said: “I hoped that being in the metropolitan liberal elite would give me access to the network of socialist-hypocrite millionaire actors who sneer at the honest working man.
“Sadly though Judi Dench has not been on the phone offering me her spare room while I get my shit together.
“I haven’t even had a tenner from Mark Rylance, and he’s definitely loaded after The BFG.”
Namby-pamby tosser Logan, who reads for fun and likes avocados, said: “I’ve just been getting more into debt each month because the landlord, a salt-of-the-earth hard-working builder, has nearly doubled the rent lately.
“I thought this country was supposed to be too much of a radical leftist utopia for that sort of thing to happen, but apparently not.”
He added: “This is all my fault for being such a jumped-up tosser.”