Men who prefer women without make-up universally despised

WOMEN both with and without make-up have confirmed that any man who tells them not to wear it can piss off.

The men, who appear to believe they are liberating women from the patriarchy by demanding they present themselves in a style they personally find alluring, are generally considered “the worst kind of wanker”.

Dancer Susan Traherne said: “Apparently I’d be ‘beautiful without all that cheap make-up.’

“I imagine I’d also look a lot better if my face weren’t twisted in homicidal rage at your patronising comments, you pussy-bearded faux-feminist fuck.

“’You don’t have to do all that for me,’ he says. As if it’s for him, rather than for me first – then all the women judging me, then selfies, then other men, then anyone else I’d forgotten, and then, finally, him.

“I’ve been out with that type before. You’re going to the shower with no slap on and your hair scraped back, wearing an old T-shirt, and he says ‘You’ve never looked more wonderful to me than you do now.’

“He’s a lying bastard and cannot be trusted.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Ask Holly: That odious cretin is a major investor in Lapland

Dear Holly,

I’m in a predicament. You could call it a conflict of interest. I really should put Donald Trump on my naughty list, because he is an odious cretin who says dreadful things. However, he is a major investor in Lapland, and we made him an honorary elf a few years ago because he funded a brand new top-of-the-range sleigh. It really is a cracker. What should I do?



Dear Santa,

What I don’t understand is there’s a big ugly man with REALLY silly hair who’s got a name which means ‘fart’ and no-one is laughing. All the grown ups are saying he could be King of America. Have I missed something? 

Hope that helps,