Middle-aged drinkers advised to have MDMA days

MIDDLE-AGED drinkers have been urged to have drink-free days where they just use MDMA or magic mushrooms. 

Doctors advised that abstaining from alcohol for a day has significant health benefits, and recommended a range of drugs that offer similar much-needed relief after a day with children. 

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Obviously we’re not suggesting that those aged between 40 and 55 remain sober. Given the shitness of their lives, that would be unrealistic. 

“All we’re saying is nominate a couple of days a week, perhaps Tuesdays and Thursdays, to put down the gin and pick up something less harmful, like acid or MDMA. 

“You’ll notice and appreciate the change as instead of slumping in front of the TV you dance wildly to the Holby City theme while necking water and telling your partner you love them. 

“Or why not try peyote after you’ve collected the kids from Cubs and put them to bed? The high might seem like it lasts hours, but you’ll be back down to earth by 11pm in time to deal with those last few work emails.”