Middle-aged man in running shorts 'asking for it' with provocative outfit

A MIDDLE-aged man has caused a stir at work by donning a provocative outfit that clearly shows he is ‘asking for it’.

Terry Johnson, 52, was seen unashamedly flaunting his assets while heading for a lunchtime jog, opting for thigh-skimming nylon shorts and a tight t-shirt highlighting his ample cleavage.

Manager Joanna Bell said: “Look at him. You have to ask, what kind of message is he trying to send with that clothing?

“Why would he put on such a sexual display if not for the attention of women?”

She added: “It’s not just him. My assistant regularly comes to work in tight-fitting trousers and the lad in the cafe was clearly signalling when he asked me ‘how do you like it?’ as I ordered my coffee this morning.

“I’m not sexist – but I am only human. They know exactly what they are doing.”

Meanwhile, Johnson continued his sensual display by applying chapstick in full view of several women near the photocopier.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

‘No deal’ Brexit plan suspiciously similar to Middle Ages

PLANS for leaving the EU without a trade deal seem to involve living in a 14th century agrarian society, experts have noted.

Concerns have been raised over initiatives such as working 16 hours a day in the fields to grow enough food and using prayer to cure illnesses after the NHS has collapsed.

Economist Donna Sheridan said: “Total economic meltdown followed by living in filthy hovels with your pigs was probably not what most people voted for in the referendum.

“I’m particularly concerned about replacing high-tech manufacturing and financial services with growing cabbages. I also believe there is no significant overseas market for ‘swords and big catapults’.”

A government spokesman said: “People were warned the economy would take a hit after Brexit. It’s too late now to complain about doing your own dentistry with pliers.

“Imported food will be a thing of the past but everyone likes watery cabbage soup, and in a couple of generations people will have forgotten courgettes and oranges ever existed.

“There’ll be no TV or internet but our new network of medieval priests will ensure everyone gets an exciting story about going to Hell every Sunday.”