THE benefits of being born middle class are not worth all the bullshit, it has been claimed.
Researchers found that relatively stupid middle class children still get well-paid jobs. However they pay a heavy price in terms of having to live in some awful cul-de-sac with aspirational parents and dipshit middle management neighbours.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The good part of being born middle class is that you get a nice easy job doing PR for a street food company rather than some exhausting manual work where you are exposed to the wind and rain.
“But you have to grow up in an environment where everyone is obsessed with money, cheese and original holiday destinations.
“Simple meals will last up to nine hours as family friends rattle on about some drab play they’re only pretending to like, and your dad will hate your because of all the financial sacrifices he made to get you into public school as a day pupil.
“Much better to be working class, where somebody in the house has always got cigarettes.”
Middle class 18-year-old Stephen Malley said: “My parents and their friends respond to everything with a kind of exhausting fake joy. Even my mediocre A Level results resulted in a flurry of hugs and kisses.
“It’s exhausting and weirdly slutty.”