Middle class ‘Day of Rage’ focused on poor quality of supermarket tomatoes

MIDDLE class people have spent a ‘Day of Rage’ protesting about IKEA, supermarket tomatoes and the quality of their workplace coffee.

Jane Thompson, from Stevenage, said: “Why can’t IKEA furniture be just that little bit sturdier? And the straps on the yellow bags really cut into my shoulder. Also, they used to do these lovely goblet wine glasses. Why did they stop?

“Because they’re evil, Swedish sons of bitches.”

Tom Logan, from Swindon, said: “I’ve repeatedly asked Carol, the office manager, to order Café Bustelo or at least Douwe Egberts. My friends’ workplaces have espresso machines, meanwhile I’m treated like a manual labourer.

“Yes, I suppose it is like a form of apartheid.”

Alice Wilson, from Edinburgh, added: “Look at the inside of this tomato. Is it red? No, it is not. It’s a sort of orangey-pink. It may as well be beige.

“When I go to the Dordogne in July I can buy beautiful, deep red tomatoes from the local Super U. Sort this shit out Sainsbury’s or I’m putting a fucking brick through your window.”

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Royal family’s benefits withdrawn

THE Royal family has had its benefits sanctioned after Prince Harry admitted none of them wants the top job. 

The claim, made in an interview, means the entire family has been hit with a six-week sanction for intentionally refusing work in violation of their signed claimant commitments.

An adviser at Fulham Jobcentre Plus said: “I have Harry in here every week telling me he’d love to become monarch of Great Britain and the Commonwealth, but there’s only one position and it’s filled.

“Same for William, Charles, the lot of them. They fill out the action plans and turn up for the employment training schemes, but somehow there’s never a position that ‘suits their experience’.

“I knew full well they were swinging the bloody lead, but I couldn’t prove it until now. We’ll see how Royal they are without their free money sucking off the state.”

Prince William said: “He had to open his big fucking mouth. This better not mess up my cash-in-hand.”