Thursday, 29th October 2020

Middle class parents preparing to be outraged about GCSEs whatever happens

A MIDDLE class couple have confirmed they will be up in arms about their son’s GCSE results today whether they seem fair or not.

Sophie and Martin Bishop are poised to storm to the school and demand to see the headmaster even though son Oliver is predicted to get 12 good grades.

Sophie Bishop said: “We employed a tutor the moment lockdown was announced so Oliver hasn’t missed a second of learning thanks to our aggressive hot-housing.

“However, we feel it’s our right as annoying middle-class people to appear on the local news looking aggrieved at some perceived problem that may hold Oliver back from becoming an incredibly rich architect.

“Of course, it’s only GCSEs and a few slightly lower grades won’t ruin his life, so even if he did waste the last five months messing around with World of Warcraft instead of studying he’d be completely fine.

“But that’s not the point. The A-level parents got to make a huge drama all over the newspapers and we want our moment to make an almighty fuss as well.”

Oliver Bishop said: “It wasn’t World of Warcraft. It was porn.”