Friday, 14th May 2021

Middle class trick or treaters demanding at least 70 per cent cocoa 

MIDDLE CLASS children are demanding a minimum standard of chocolate for Halloween and will not accept anything with less than 70 per cent cocoa content.

Other stipulations include a layer of gold foil in the packaging, the name of the chocolatier on each square, and no cartoon mascots.

Nine-year-old Jack Browne said: “We know we are narrowing our potential returns. But most of the houses round here will only have this stuff anyway. If they don’t, we paint a cross on their door to warn the others.

“It also means we don’t have to bother with the council estate on the edge of the village. One of those houses has a washing machine in the garden. They’re not going to have Green & Black’s.”

Browne confirmed a schism over whether to accept Percy Pigs, with one faction saying they are okay because they come from Marks & Spencer, and the other rejecting them based on their worrying similarity to ‘tacky and mainstream’ Peppa Pig.

Local resident Tom Booker said: “I’ve got some 99 per cent chocolate lined up for them. I can’t eat it because it burns my throat. That’ll f**king teach them.”