Middlesbrough 'could resemble Middlesbrough in event of no-deal'

A NO-DEAL Brexit could cause Middlesbrough to experience poverty and a lack of investment that makes it feel even more like Middlesbrough.

Experts warned that the post-industrial Northern town could face the catastrophic long-term situation of being largely the same.

Economist Emma Bradford said: “I don’t wish to be too technical, but Middlesbrough suffers the macroeconomic problem that we economists refer to as ‘being a bit grim’.

“A no-deal Brexit could easily lead to the same number of crap shops, residents joining the army for a more enjoyable life and people in tracksuits scrounging 20p for fags or ‘the bus’.

“I suppose the town could change its name to something like ‘Cheltenham-up-North’, but I’m not sure that would fool anyone.”

However Norman Steele of the pro-Brexit European Research Group said: “These are typical Project Fear lies. Middlesbrough is a beautiful, prosperous place where everyone is happy all the time.

“It might take a bit of an economic hit from Brexit, but the way for local people to look at it is that they’re getting even more of their beloved Middlesbrough.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Everyone dying to ask left-wing Brexiter what f**king planet he's on

ONLY politeness is stopping people asking a Jeremy Corbyn supporter how the hell a ‘left-wing Brexit’ is supposed to work.

Student Nathan Muir infuriatingly drones on about “building a fairer socialist society”, despite most people in favour of Brexit appearing to be right-wing gits.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “Nathan actually voted Remain but now he keeps going on about ‘escaping the neo-liberal tyranny of the EU’. I blame ‘magic grandpa’ Corbyn.

“I’d really like him to explain how a left-wing Brexit will work if the economy’s stuffed. That and the small matter of everyone who’s in charge of Brexit being a Tory or a free market nutter.

“However, the only way I can think to phrase the question is ‘Have you lost your fucking mind, you absolute fucking twat?’ and I don’t feel like that will help our friendship.

“Also, if he calls it ‘Lexit’ one more time I’m going to move straight past the conversation bit and just punch him very hard in the face.”

Muir said: “Lexit will be great for Britain, and this is totally different to the time I got really into Communism and ponced around the common room talking about violent revolution.”