Milk Tray man quizzed over confusing espionage role

THE public has demanded to know which intelligence agency Milk Tray man works for and why he is covertly delivering chocolates.  

Plans to return Milk Tray man to active service have left Britons demanding to know if he receives taxpayers’ money to slip into women’s bedrooms and how this aids national security.

Office manager Donna Sheridan said: “He’s clearly a spy, so shouldn’t he be uncovering terrorist plots instead of delivering mid-priced confectionary?

“I suppose he could be assassinating female terrorists with poisoned chocolates, but once you’re in their bedroom it’s probably better to just shoot them rather than hope they’re stupid enough to eat a mysterious food gift.”

Milk Tray man Roy Hobbs said: “The truth is I was in a destructive relationship with a very damaged woman who could only be intimate after I’d jumped into shark-infested waters from a balcony.

“That’s over now so in the new adverts I’ll just be arranging for people to be tortured in Middle East prisons.”