Ministers Hail Success Of 24-Hour Violence Laws

BRITAIN'S controversial 24-hour violence laws have been an unqualified success, the government said last night.

Lightweight cafe chairs make excellent weapons

Ministers said the decision to allow people to lash out at any time had been vindicated as millions of citizens embraced the new culture of kicking each other's teeth in.

The introduction of 24-hour violence laws has seen violence increase from frequent to constant, while many town centres have been transformed into trendy, cosmopolitan no-go areas.

The government insisted the only downside was a shortage of council staff willing to scrub blood off the pavements.

Home secretary Jacqui Smith said: "Responsible adults are able to enjoy round-the-clock violence, with many of them using knives and chains for the first time.

"Gone are the days when everyone tried to cram in as much violence as they could between 11pm and midnight.

"Now you can walk down an English high street at three or four in the morning and see dozens of responsible adults beating the hell out of each other."

She added: "This is what continental Europe would be like if it was horribly violent all the time."