MODERN train seats have been made purposefully hard and uncomfortable so that arriving in the office seems like an escape from hell.
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies said: “Humans love sitting on cushioned surfaces. If you add the consumption of crisps to that, it’s as good as life on earth gets.
“It therefore seems confusing that when we’re required to sit for long stretches other humans would design a chair more uncomfortable than small talk with Theresa May.
“In order to purchase our own soft seats we have to stay in a building from 9am to 5pm at the behest of someone who takes credit for your work and bollocks you when things go wrong.
“Clearly its not a great set up so some genius has decided to make train journeys so unbelievably shit that arriving into the office feels like being drunk in a Jacuzzi.
“One interesting feature of the new train seats is they really retain the heat generated by the previous occupants bum which manages to be both nice and absolutely disgusting.”
Brubaker added: “With traffic at a standstill the only alternative is buying a horse and riding into work, plus eating Frazzles on a galloping stallion looks fantastic.”