PLANS to tackle childhood obesity have been scaled back because the money has been spent on winning Olympic cycling medals.
Officials had considered introducing new children’s sports facilities across the UK but admitted that priority was given to Sir Bradley Wiggins and some of his friends.
A government spokesman said: “Bradley Wiggins is cool. Overweight children are not cool.
“Also, this will mean a new era of breakfast cereal advertising contracts. Laura Trott and Jason Kenny will finally have the opportunity to put their name on some bikes that have been made in China.”
Meanwhile, experts said jealous foreigners casting aspersions over Britain’s glory simply fail to understand the nation’s idiotic obsession with Olympic success.
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “British people feel that medals for strangers provide better value for money than libraries, hospital beds and public roads where you can ride a bike without falling off.”
He added: “We laugh at Denmark, with its pathetic medal tally and outstanding quality of life.”