MORE people are visiting churches to steal metal than to worship, it has emerged.
A decline in God belief has corresponded with a sharp increase in the value of copper roof tiles, which has encouraged a new breed of crime-based churchgoer.
Vicar Emma Bradford said: “Although these new people mostly bring ladders and don’t actually come into the building, in these spiritually-bereft times we’ll take what we can get.
“We’ve taken to doing sermons in the middle of the night, especially for all the people on the roof. Content-wise we steer it away from the anti-stealing stuff as we don’t want to seem judgemental.
“It does get rather wet in the church nowadays but it’s nice to be relevant again.”
Copper fan Bill McKay, who also drives a van around industrial estates trying to sell several brand new generators he accidentally bought, said: “I’ve found God through scrap metal.
“He does everything for a reason and he definitely put those copper tiles there so that they could be nicked and weighed in.
“In fact I’m fairly confident it says something in the Bible like ‘Blessed are the ladder-owners and those not scared of heights, that they might inherit my tiles.'”