Most popular stag-do activity is 'testing limits of friendship'

THE most popular activity on a stag weekend is to test the limits of a long-term friendship, according to new research.

The Institute for Studies found that paint-balling, go-karting and golf have been overtaken by pushing a previously healthy relationship to the brink of annihilation.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Make sure the weekend involves long distance travel, preferably overseas, and costs more than anyone would reasonably want to pay. Everyone will resent it.

“Airport drinking should be unreasonable and exhausting. This will create a bitter division between those who would rather be at home reading a book and those who think that getting a drunk in an airport is not tawdry and pathetic.

“The relentless alcohol, the ghastly strip clubs and the increasingly emotional hangovers will exacerbate the weird dynamics that already exist within the group. Bullying and intense rivalries will emerge within the first 24 hours.”

Professor Brubaker added: “Take things to the brink by maintaining the sort of unbearably shit banter that will fill the intelligent, sensitive members of the group with a scorching hatred.

“And insist on using a kitty.”

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CAN you just nip to the pub for a cheeky one after work, or will you get in trouble?

Having a job and/or family is exhausting and stressful. You will need a pint later. But could it be more trouble than it’s worth?

Take our test to find out. 

Can you just stay for one?

A) I don’t even like alcohol but I just need 30 minutes in a legitimate safe space.

B) Sipping a refreshing beer on a weekday will be tasting freedom, and there’s no way I could leave without six more pints of liberty.

Can you sit at the bar alone?

A) Easy, I’ll just be standing staring blankly at the optics like all those other lonely bastards.

B) Even with a phone or book I will still be concerned that people think I’m a pervert or on the run.

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A) I haven’t told the truth since I had children.   

B) I adopt this weird kind of TV presenter voice when I’m lying and go bright red.

Can you deal with a brief experience of living another life?

A) Yes I do it all the time when I disappear to the bathroom for an hour.

B) The idea that I could do this most nights if I was single or divorced would shatter any willpower I have for soldiering on with my current existence.

Mostly As – Congratulations you can have a tasty pint.

Mostly Bs – Sorry no pints for you. Try again tomorrow night using the mantra ‘my partner would definitely do this if the situation were reversed’.