Motorists to wear stupid racing clothes like cyclists

CAR drivers are to dress in helmets and flameproof overalls in a move inspired by the high-tech racing attire of cyclists.

Commuters and casual Sunday drivers must dress like Formula One professionals, under new guidelines designed to promote road harmony.

A government spokesman said: “It’s easy for a driver to look at a cyclist in a shell-hood, ghost socks and flank liner and dismiss them as an utter tool, which encourages hostility on the road.

“We want to level the playing field by making drivers wear a shiny helmet with zig-zags on it, and special gloves made of space shuttle material.

“If the cyclists are dressed like Bradley Wiggins, the motorists should be dressed like Lewis Hamilton or another racing driver if they are able to name one. Then everyone looks pretentious.”

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “It’s amazing how a jazzy helmet changes your attitude. When I do the school run now I jerk my head around as if experiencing extreme g-force.

“Also I just drive into garages at tremendous speed and wait until the men run out with fuel pipes and tools. Except that never happens, so I have a massive benny and storm off, throwing my helmet on the ground.”