MOTHERS have demanded to know what time you are coming around on Christmas Day, to the nearest four minutes.
Mums across the country are urgently pleading for clarity, transparency and accuracy about your arrival time in just over a fortnight.
The agreed time must then be upheld at all costs, even if there is a massive natural disaster.
Mother Susan Traherne said: “You may not think it’s important, and no doubt you’re all rolling your eyes at this, but we do actually need to know because this shit has to be locked down tight.
“It’s just a matter of showing a little respect. If you’re not sure, there’s a ‘sprouts window’ between 11.47 and 11.51 that would be acceptable.
“Later there’ll probably be a Christmas special of Call The Midwife that we could all resent having to watch together.”
She added: “If you’re staying on Christmas Eve don’t get drunk with your mates and puke out of the bedroom window like you always do.”