Mum’s stash of expired medicine to set her up as post-Brexit drug kingpin

A MOTHER’S cupboard of expired medicine will enable her to act as a post-Brexit drug kingpin.

Unwittingly stockpiling half-empty packs of expired antibiotics mean that once the Brexit medicine shortages hit Jane Thomson from Stevenage is going to be making it rain, Walter White-style.

She said: “I always said they’d come in handy. Admittedly, I wasn’t talking about the country voting itself into a suicidal political checkmate that would leave food and medicine supplies under threat, but here we are.”

Thomson’s extensive pharmaceutical collection also includes a stash of heavy-duty tranquillisers from when she fell off that scooter in the Algarve, enough sticky, out-of-date cough medicine to fill a swimming pool, and a bottle of some sort of tonic that belonged to grandma, who has been dead for 15 years.

She added: “No-one around here needs to worry, I can take care of whatever they need.

“And if any motherfucker wants to try and stop to me, they’d best come ready for war.”