Muslim man in Northampton asked what he's doing about ISIS

A 38-YEAR-OLD Muslim working as a land surveyor in Northampton has been asked how he plans to stop ISIS. 

Mohammed Rahman, who was born in Kettering and attends mosque around four times a year, has been informed that responsibility for halting ISIS rests with the Muslim community and that means him. 

He said: “Tony in marketing came over specially to ask how I was fighting creeping radicalisation in young Muslims. They seemed disconcerted when I said my daughters preferred 5SOS, which I then had to explain was an Australian boy band.

“Pam in the postroom wanted to know if I was going on an anti-ISIS march. I said I would if there was one going on, and she pursed her lips. 

“Then I got called into the management meeting to tell them whether airstrikes could be effective against Syria or if we needed boots on the ground. 

“I said I didn’t know. They didn’t say anything, but I felt like I’d let them down.”

Rahman decided to make an effort by leaving critical comments under an ISIS video on YouTube, following which he was placed on MI5 and CIA watch lists. 

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Oxford English Dictionary shuts down and tells Britain to f**k off

THE Oxford English Dictionary has declared the ‘tears of joy emoji’ as Word of the Year before telling Britain to go fuck itself.

The 150-year-old institution had hoped the Word of the Year would be a word rather than a picture, but instead the staff have decided to pack it in for good.

A spokesman sad: “It’s not up to us to just choose a word that we like. We stand back and watch how you communicate. It’s a truly horrible job and we’ve had enough.

“Our slogan is ‘language matters’ but it obviously doesn’t. You don’t need dictionaries anymore. All the words we’ve collected have been rendered meaningless, whether they are spelled correctly or not. And, for the avoidance of doubt, they are not.

“So you can all just fuck off.”

He added: “Fuck – Have sexual intercourse with; Damage or ruin.  Off – So as to be removed or separated; So as to bring to an end or be discontinued.”