TWO men who hail from shit British towns are locked in argument about whose town of origin is the shittest, onlookers have confirmed.
The dispute began when Ryan Whittaker, of Leicestershire’s crummy and depressing Hinckley, dared to assert that it was worse than sinkhole of misery Ashton-under-Lyne, the hometown of colleague James Bates.
Bates said: “Ashton’s proper rough, mate. I once saw a man’s nose shattered in a McDonald’s and he wasn’t doing anything but sit there with his nuggets. Walk down our high street at night and see what the teenagers call you.”
Whittaker responded: “You think that’s rough? Hinckley doesn’t even have a high street. The whole thing is side streets, even the high street. And all our teenagers are 30 years old. Every year, the kids are born older, that’s how rough it is.
“Nowhere is shitter, trust me. It’s medieval—in a bad way, not in a sexy incest Game of Thrones way. And all there is to do is get pissed and pass out.”
Bates replied: “Pass out? Do that in Ashton and you won’t wake up. You have to stay awake no matter how pissed you are. Even to fall unconscious after being kicked in the head you’ve got to walk to Dukinfield.”
Whittaker said: “Must be nice having other places near your town. Nothing’s near Hinckley. Stuck in the middle of flat emptiness. Biggest shithole on earth, I’m telling you.”
Observer Hannah Tomlinson said: “Not getting involved. Except clearly neither of them has been to Redcar, where I’m from.”
