Nation fully aware that exercise is good for you

BRITONS know that physical activity is good for them but they absolutely cannot be arsed, they have confirmed.

After middle-aged people were urged to walk faster, the general public has firmly declined the offer of an extended life.

Norwich-based Wayne Hayes said: “If it’s between an early death or 10 minutes of brisk walking every day, I’d opt for the early death.

“It’s nice of scientists to warn us, but to be honest I never really thought that drinking loads, eating chicken out of cardboard buckets and sitting on my arse for 12 hours a day was going to help me live past 100.”

However Susan Traherne said: “I eat predominantly forms of kale and I run at least 30 miles every week.

“The doctors have told me I’m extending my life by years. God I hope I’m not.”