Wednesday, 26th February 2020

Nation united in telling January to f*ck right off 

BRITAIN has agreed that January can f*ck right off. 

The Institute for Studies found that Leave or Remain, Tory or Labour, sane or rational human beings, everyone have arrived at a consensus that the first month of the year can do one.

Professor Henry Brubaker said, “January is like turning 31. F*ck all to celebrate and just the beginning of another long hard slog.

“If we could just skip to February that would be great but then February would be just as cold and pointless as January so what we really need is some kind of weather/time machine.”

Martin Bishop, from Stevenage added: “I love January. But I also like Coldplay and Michael Bay films so you should ignore me completely.”