Saturday night plans to 'large it' downgraded to 'medium it'

A GROUP of men in their 30s have downgraded their Saturday night ‘larging it’ plans to ‘mediuming it’ instead.

The group, aged between 33 and 38, decided that earlier pledges to ‘go large or go home’ were over-ambitious, and have vowed to ‘go medium and go home without shame’ as a more realistic substitute.

Father-of-one Tom Booker, aged 36, said: “The WhatsApp group has been mad with bantz for months. We’d settled on pints watching football, then a pub golf crawl through town with forfeit shots for losers, then a club.

“But as the night approached we mutually agree that large was perhaps a bit too big, what with none of us being young anymore and how much drinks cost in clubs these days and not wanting to spend all Sunday in bed stinking like a beer mat.

“So now we’re going to have a couple of pints with the football, go for a curry somewhere pleasant, then all be home for Match of the Day.

“The relief is euphoric. I feel like I’ve dropped an E.”

Several members of the group are secretly planning to downgrade plans even further to ‘smalling it’ and head home before the curry, because two pints is quite enough these days.

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£3.80 pint of beer deemed adequate payment for helping mate move house

A SINGLE pint of lager has been deemed full compensation for eight hours of hard manual labour helping a friend move. 

After asking for a quick hand moving flat, Stephen Malley put friend Tom Logan to work for a full day carrying furniture and boxes of records up three flights of stairs, using Logan’s own car for transport.

Following the back-breaking day’s work, which began at 10am and ended at 6pm, Malley magnanimously offered to ‘buy the first round.’

He said: “Tom’s such a good bloke. He’s worked his arse off today and he hasn’t complained. In fact he’s hardly said anything to me since I bought him that grab bag of Quavers for lunch.

“He’s done me a real favour, so it’s only right I get the drinks in. He’s getting the next round though. Fair’s fair.”

Logan said: “One pint for a whole day? That’s 47p an hour. And I’m out of pocket for petrol.

“I’m glad I left that box marked ‘Books for Bedroom’ containing a full run of 80s Penthouse in my boot now. Dare you to ask what happened to that, Steve.”