CHILDREN who have been little shits all year know full well they will get presents anyway, it has been confirmed.
Six-year-old Tom Hollis, who was deeply unpleasant for the whole of 2017 was delighted to find at least eight gifts in his stocking on Christmas morning.
He said: “My parents kept saying, if I wasn’t good Santa wouldn’t bring me any presents – just big lumps of coal. What a lot of bollocks.
“And it’s not just me. My mate Dave set his Christmas tree on fire and still got a remote control car and Milly Howard from my class said ‘fuck’ three times and Santa gave her an iPad.
“But my parents said that this year, Santa really and truly won’t bring me any presents if I am naughty.
“Yeah, whatever. There are no consequences, yt will all be brilliant. Just like that fat, blond haired man on the telly said.”