THE UK has been reminded that it should never, ever trust anyone named Jeremy.
Following Jeremy Corbyn’s proclamation that he is Labour party President-for-Life, official advice on how to deal with anyone called ‘Jeremy’ has been reissued.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “They can’t help it. It’s in their nature.
“Jeremy Clarkson responded to the nation’s trust by pissing off to Amazon where you’ll have to pay £79 a year to watch him be rude about cars.
“Or there’s Jeremy Renner, making a living masquerading as a superhero even though all he can do is shoot arrows.
“At least Jeremy Kyle doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a lying, mendacious sack of shit, and the noble Jeremy Beadle dedicated his life to teaching us that Jeremys do nothing but trick and deceive.
“Never lend a Jeremy money, never leave one alone with your wife, and certainly ensure that you never, ever elevate one to a position of power. It’s just common sense.”
Health secretary Jeremy Hunt said: “I am ready to lead the country now I’ve saved the NHS.”