BUYING expensive ‘back to school’ items for academically useless, un-sporty children is a futile gesture, according to parents.
Despite an average spend of over £200 per child, parents are sceptical that it will suddenly make them good at things and less of a disappointment.
Father-of-two Tom Logan said: “I want the best for my son, but I doubt an expensive new football strip is going to turn the fat little shit into the next David Beckham.
“Getting my teenage daughter a scientific calculator was a ridiculous charade as I don’t think Sir Isaac Newton spent 15 hours a day sending inane texts to his friends.
“It would have been more useful to get her a Burger King uniform. Or, given her fascination with tracksuited teenage morons, some baby clothes.”
Mum Donna Sheridan said: “It’s not clear how my son’s dire grades will be improved by a faux-traditional uniform designed to make gullible parents think the local comp is a minor public school.
“I might just send him to school in a recycling bag with a tie drawn on it.”