A BABY is enjoying its first few days on earth with absolutely no clue of the havoc it has wreaked on its mother’s body and mind.
Nathan Muir, a three day-old based in Reading, is enjoying regular feeds, sleeps and burpings, completely ignorant of the 23-hour labour extravaganza.
Muir’s mother experienced extreme physical pain and prolonged emotional distress during the labour, followed by the most intense rush of euphoria and love she has felt since she did acid that one time.
Muir’s father, Ian, said: “It was terrifying, it was exhilarating, it was life-changing. I have never felt more proud of my wife. Nathan, on the other hand, has barely even bothered to make eye contact with her.
“Aside from the physical toll the birth took on my wife, our marriage is presumably now changed forever and our house looks weird. And this heartless monster doesn’t give a damn.”
Muir’s mother Sarah added: said: “Eventually I will tell him exactly what he did to me and then he can decide for himself how to thank me every day for the rest of my life.”