Ninety percent of socialising just people being loud

MOST social events are just people making loud noises at each other, experts have confirmed.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Human socialisation seems to centre around one key factor: volume. That is why people attend loud pubs, clubs, gigs, matches and other places they are encouraged to ‘make noise’.

“We found our test subjects were willing to pay hundreds of pounds for gig tickets just to scream over the music they claim they came to hear, under the guise of showing appreciation.

“Going out is rarely motivated by the company and conversation, but to have social permission to bellow and slap our hands together like morons.

“Is it a type of catharsis that everybody needs, or are most people just noisy idiots?”

Self-described ‘party animal’, Tom Logan said: “Hitting the club tonight. Gonna shout my head off till I lose my voice! Whoop whoop!”