Nobody wants sweets from bowl in gran's living room

A FAMILY is trying to work out why none of them want to touch the hard-boiled sweets in a bowl at their gran’s house.

Siblings Nikki and Tom Booker tried to resolve the issue while visiting 83-year-old grandmother Helen, who keeps a bowl of brown, wrapper-less sweets on her coffee table for visitors.

Tom said: “I know I should want one because they’re sweets. It’s just somehow as if they’ve been sucked and spat out. I know that’s unlikely, but I’ve always avoided them on the off-chance.”

Nikki said: “For me it’s the sheer length of time the bowl has been there. It’s been a fixture since we were kids and I’m 34. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone take a sweet and I can’t help but think she’s never replaced them.”

Tom was also concerned that the sweets had a layer of unidentified fur, possibly cat hair or something the sweets had grown themselves. Nikki added that they looked “a bit like they’re secretly medicine”.

Gran Helen Booker said: “For heaven’s sake. If they don’t want to eat their sweets from the bowl I’ve got plenty more at the bottom of my handbag.”

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'Fourth time lucky!' says West

THE law of averages means attacking Syria will be a resounding success unlike Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya, Western leaders believe.

Politicians are convinced their policy of bombing things in hideously complicated conflicts with no clear objective is bound to work one of these days.

Theresa May said: “There’s clearly nothing wrong with the overall plan of destabilising countries full of armed factions who hate each other, so we can put previous failures down to bad luck.

“This time in Syria we’ll bomb the baddies and the whole unpleasant situation will resolve itself. After all these completely random humanitarian disasters we’re due some good luck.

“People say Iraq and Libya went wrong because we didn’t understand the Sunni-Shia divide and weren’t even sure who we were supporting, but that all sounds a bit fanciful to me.

“I think it was probably just down to bad weather or the wrong type of bombs.”

French president Emmanuel Macron said: “If you keep rolling a dice, eventually it will come up as a six. Foreign policy is really just snakes and ladders, but with missiles.

“If we don’t solve the Syrian crisis we’ll just keep trying with other places. I expect the two sides in Northern Ireland would appreciate our help.”