THE term social cohesion has left everyone in Britain utterly baffled, it has been confirmed.
The phrase is used regularly by people opposed to immigration, but when asked to define it they will either feign a toothache or change the subject to commercial fruit picking.
Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, said: Did Britain have social cohesion at some point in the past? If so I could look it up and then I would know what the hell youre talking about.
Was it when we had an obsessively rigid class structure and being gay was a crime? Or was it when women were routinely told to shut their stupid faces and make some more custard?
Jane Thompson, from Guildford, added: Did the catholics and protestants of Belfast and Glasgow used to get along splendidly? Did they cohese? Or is it coheve?
Was there a point between Downton Abbey and the first boat to arrive from Jamaica when we all got along like the Waltons?
Julian Cook, from Hatfield, said: I once asked someone what they meant by social cohesion and they mumbled something about everyone being able to understand Eastenders.
I understand Eastenders, but I dont like it. And I actively despise people who do.
It seems I may never fully coheve. Or is it cohede?