SAM Allardyce is losing £20,000 a day from a wager on when he will get fired.
The duvet-faced manager placed the spread bet during summer training with West Ham’s squad, which consisted largely of watching them bump into each other and fall over a lot.
He believed he would be back on the sofa watching Soccer Saturday by November at the latest.
Allardyce said: “I’m going to have to try the nuclear option of actually picking Andy Carroll because this is costing me a fortune.
“I’d hoped that sending eleven lads that were hanging around outside the Boleyn Ground out against Man City would have done the trick but clearly it’s time to go galoot.”
The transfer window might help Allardyce as he approaches the board with transfer targets including Lionel Messi, the ashes of Malcolm Allison and yet more Liverpool players.
However, some claim that West Ham’s owners have a larger bet with another syndicate that he will keep his job until the end of the season even if it means building him a bullet-proof dugout.
Fans have taken such a dislike to Allardyce that they have written a ten-minute chant entitled You’re a Manager That Utilises a Certain Style of Football and While Your Record in Gaining Promotion from the Championship Is Laudable You Are Best Suited Elsewhere, and You Know You Are.
Allardyce said: “If all else fails I’ll have to kiss goodbye to my family, ensure my affairs are in order and attend the next home game in my ‘Bobby Moore Was Shit’ t shirt.”