EVERYONE who keeps banging on furiously about campus free speech left university at least 25 years ago, it has emerged.
Despite a report claiming it was a serious problem, the only people who appeared to give a toss were attention-seeking MPs and newspaper columnists with an axe to grind.
MP Emma Bradford said: “This is incredibly important. Speak to any member of the public and they’re furious about obscure homophobes being ‘no platformed’ at Knutsford University.
“I hate publicity but I guess I’m just an incredibly brave lone defender of democracy.”
Daily Telegraph columnist Roy Hobbs said: “This is no different to someone trying to stop me demonstrating against Vietnam in 1968, except people had heard of the Vietnam War.
“I’m definitely not exaggerating a minor issue to bash some vague group of lefties, as I explain in my article ‘Britain’s Stalinist universities: How long before the executions start?’
“Vigorous debate is a traditional part of student life, just like listening to King Crimson and smoking a ‘doobie’. Do they still call them doobies? I expect so.”
Student Tom Booker said: “I think three people held a demo against some weird YouTuber but it all sounded like bollocks so I just got shitfaced for less than a tenner again.”