FRIENDS of an expectant couple are unsure how to tell them that all their baby names are utterly absurd.
Tom Logan and Nikki Hollis’ shortlist of dreadful names for a boy or a girl have made their friends feel they should intervene before the child is condemned to a lifetime of ridicule.
Friend Martin Bishop said: “Tom and Nikki have got all these awful names like Otto, Scheherazade and Polonius. If no one says anything that kid’s fucked.
“It’s difficult to say anything though because that will imply they’re social-climbing idiots, although that’s a fair description of people who think Horatio is a good name for a child going to a comprehensive.
“I think my only option is to start putting anonymous messages through their letterbox like a blackmailer saying ‘DO NOT CALL YOUR CHILD MAEVE’.”
Fellow friend Emma Bradford said: “Nikki and Tom don’t understand that names have associations and you can’t just call a child ‘Fred’ without people thinking of the Freds Flintstone, Dibnah and West.
“I’ve tried dropping hints like saying ‘Half the kids in Britain seem to have Irish names these days!, but that just made them add Murphy, Clodagh and Padraig to their list.
“Also I heard Nikki saying the name Adolf was ‘really different’.”